A Bird without Wings in the Big Jungle – 2/2

Part 2: The Eagle Rebirth

Click for part 1 (so that makes sense)
https://huguetta.wordpress.com/2019/04/10/a-bird-without-wings-in-the-big-jungle-1-2/

In Lebanon, most schools belong to the church, nuns or monks, of course as a Christian they send me to a Christian place, there are Muslim schools as well but the biggest institutions, universities, hospitals are ruled by the Catholic and Maronite churches (oh wow how lucky we are!) no wonder people are dying on the hospitals doors and parents are selling their kidneys to grant education to their children!

Good job! Jesus is so proud of you!

I prefer the joker over you 😀

Of course being in an internal school made me hate the men of religions more and more, most of nuns have nothing to do with Jesus’s message nor the Charity they preach, nor the poverty.  “Poverty, chastity, and obedience”, literally their vows, oh they remind me of the democracy and independence some nations are claiming to have or claiming to spread in the world while stepping over cadavers of millions of people!

One Sunday they took us out for a promenade, I was lost from the group, we were all cultivating and eating apples from the trees and suddenly, they disappeared! (Kfardebian,is well known with apples)  suddenly I’m alone, in the big valley all alone! They left me, I felt terrified, I will be eaten by some animal, I will die from cold…suddenly I saw them in the parallel very far away road, leaving, I saw a line of people like ants, they are so far but I started to scream the name of one of the girls “Gizele” I didn’t remember many names at the time, I hated there. 

The echo helped, we were surrounded by mountains, and they heard me! They sent someone to get me.

It’s a good fairy tale, happy ending!  But the story is not here, the story is that after we’re back, the nun (I even forgot her name) thought that I did a big mistake because I missed the group and I was about to be lost and she slapped me so hard that I still feel her slap in my soul not only my face!

Thank you so much dear for this smack! I wouldn’t be that wise without it, again Jesus is so proud of you!  

I was moved the next year to another school near my brothers’ school, after my mother pushed hard to adjust my papers.
The school was in Brummana as well, the place I love so much, and I started to cope with this new life away from home, I have good and bad memories but it all made me who I am.

The monastery where we used to live and sleep, the school was 2 minutes away

I always remember the lovely moments I spent there, most of my dreams used to be there, I miss the place sometimes. I miss the disobedient moments that made me happy like running from school to eat Hamburger, hiding the love stories in the shoe closets because they’re not allowed, checking the delicious food the sisters have for lunch or dinner…while we’re eating food full of rice weevils and we’re punished for not finishing it.
I was the rebel despite all this, when I told the nun there are rice weevils in our food, she said it’s well cooked onions (since it’s black) I replied: but onions have no legs sister!
Oh this is the part where I eat my food and I’m also punished. 😀
Jesus is really proud of you sisters! 

In our house, there was always an abundance of food, fruits, everything we want, dessert, candies, my parents made sure we have everything we need so we never felt inferior or deprived.

I learned how to be alone and take care of myself, I met good and bad people, some nuns were good, and others were total bitches! I still have friends from school and others were total jerks.
I learned to count on myself, at a very young age, I used to take a bus or a taxi, bring my younger brother and take him home (after my big brother changed the school to another one).
I learned to wipe my tears and face this cruel life with a smile on my face.
I learned to cope without parents even though they were there but away,
I learned to manage without support which I know I would have received if I asked for it but I always believed that this is something I shouldn’t ask for, it should be given without asking,
I learned to defend myself and to be fierce.

It wasn’t magic, nothing is! It was molded through this entire journey, after many tears, many days where I felt sorry for myself, I felt like a bird with no wings, I felt as an orphan, except I wasn’t!

I was waiting for someone to save me but I didn’t know this one was me and only me! I needed to fly! I couldn’t fly…it was so hard to fly while I was stuck behind the bars of sadness, self-pity, misery, weakness!

And then I discovered that all these tough years were necessary to grow very strong wings, they were the sculptor and I was the sculpture, just like the eagle!

The Eagle has the longest life span it can live up to 70 years, but to reach this age the Eagle must make a hard decision. In its 40’s, its long and flexible talons can no longer grab prey, which serves as food. Their long and sharp beaks become bent. The eagle is old aged and heavy wings, due to their thick feathers become stuck to its chest and make it difficult to fly. Then the Eagle is left with only two decisions: to die or to go through a painful process of change for 150 days.

So, the Eagle flies to a mountain top. There the Eagle knocks its beak against a mountain top until it plucks it out. After plucking it out the Eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back and it will then pluck out its talons. When its new talons grow back, the Eagle starts plucking out its old-aged feathers.  After 5 months the Eagle takes its famous flight of rebirth and lives for 30 more years.

Sometimes a major change is needed in order to survive; to get rid of old memories, habits and other past traditions and be free from past burdens. I didn’t know that all these years were a painful process to have strong wings and a brand new beak!
I spread my wings and I flied!

I flied solo and I flied very high, very high where I no longer see the pain, the misery, the self-pity, very high from judgment, blaming, nagging…very high!

Therefore, I was never envious, I always fought it, I was never jealous, I always fought it, I entered luxurious houses, villas, I never looked what people have, I was in the most luxurious cars, the time I was struggling with my heavy bags in public transportation, and I never cared, or even recalled the car brand.

I met people that were born with a golden spoon in their mouths, but some of them were unsatisfied, depressed, nagging the entire time, I even was their wailing wall for a long time! The time I was hardly standing for myself, the time I had no one to wipe my tears. I never cared and always was helpful and supportive.

I gave because I know what it exactly feels to have nothing, I was there for many people the same way I wished that someone will be for me, but at the end this someone was me!

I was taught to be fanatic and to hate other religions and here I am, my best friends are Muslims, we fasted together in Ramadan and we tapped eggs in Easter, we decorated the Christmas tree together and then replaced the Christmas bubbles with Fanoos Ramadan.

I have good friends from all religions even the one that was directly responsible for our displacement, for losing everything we ever had, for slaying the people that couldn’t run away.
I entered their houses, slept under their roof, ate at the same table. I never said this should be my house, or this house was built over our blood, even if until this moment we didn’t get to live in the house we left years ago, even if, they couldn’t teach me to hate.

This is why I’m so proud of myself, I’m not judging the others, I’m just giving credits to myself, I’m proud I never hurt anyone purposely, I’m proud I was never attached to material things and stuff, I’m proud I’m able to take care of other people, to feel their pain and help instead of being angry at the world! I’m proud to be financially independent since I was almost 16 years old. I’m proud I never had to take any medication, any therapy; I just faced all and accepted all.

I’m proud that this lonely bird with no wings has turned to be a very powerful and beautiful eagle! I’m so proud!

You might think that this post is about me, but it’s not! It’s for each one willing to read, I believe that each word, each journey can inspire and help, can teach and might even change someone’s life!
Remember, it’s not the end until you decide it is!
Remember, no matter how tough it can get, it’s all inside you and it’s all in your hands and only in your hands!

Your thoughts are welcome of course. Appreciate your time dear readers 🙂

Huguette Antoun – April 10th 2019


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185 Comments »

  1. Those who fly solo have the strongest wings- I loved this line Hug! Thank you so much for this post which is so informative about Eagles , their life and lessons we all can learn from them.

    Superb,Brilliant,Splendid post. I loved your photo-you look hot and terrific.

  2. Vous save la vie n’est pas tout le temps facile et c’est ce genre d’expérience qui forge notre personnalité notre tempérament et nous aide a faire face aux aléas de la vie… j’apprécie ton courage et ta volonté c’est ce qu’on fait de de vous ce que vous êtes… bravo

  3. Oh my dear! Huguette! After reading both the parts, I now know what all you have been through all these years in your childhood. My heart cries reading such vulnerable and pathetic circumstances you had to face and cope up with due to the war situations. Parents play a very vital role in giving support and holding up courage. I am so delighted to read that you handled everything on your own, took all the load on yourself when your relatives were not there. I do not know what it is like to have nightmares, what it is like to have death thoughts and the fear of being killed after suffering greatest agony. But I am very happy to see you having emerged victorious in this. A grand salute to you for fighting this battle and achieving triumph. Very happy to know that you did not consider those people guilty that actually were not. You are very open minded to have adopted to all the right things in life that has enabled you to be here today where you are. Despite all odds and all the wrong deeds you have faced, having the confidence and courage to face the evil world is very hard. But you did not fail. Thank you for sharing such an inspiring journey of yours. I absolutely respect everything about you. You have just amazed me. I appreciate everything now more and more. The world is both a hell and heaven, it is up to us how we look at it, is what you have taught me today. Thank you for being you you are. And I mean every word I have written, I write only the things that I intend to convey, so do not think that I am throwing praises like anything. Please do not write a thesis like me, I did not even realise that i wrote this much.

    • Firstly I would have been disappointed if it wasn’t a thesis 🙂 secondly the true words coming from heart are instantly felt so don’t worry dear Priya!
      I really feel happy when someone really reads what I want to say not just watch the pictures which I published them today on purpose, not to brag but to be proud and reflect the positivity after a long hard journey!
      Believe it or not, I’m still a work in progress project and your words are really overwhelming and they made my day! I really posted this so people can be inspired; imagine how happy I am I’m succeeding!
      It’s not easy to mention such things; I’m not ashamed at all! But it’s just not easy, but I thought that many out there need these words, need to know that it’s all about them no matter how dark it can get! Sorry if I made you sad, wasn’t my intention and I wish you will never know such feelings, you don’t need to, it’s extremely hard! I believe that god always gives us what we can carry, I believe in this
      Appreciate your sweet and lovely interaction more than you know! Have a great day ❤

      • Atleast someone expects something from me 😉
        I totally agree with you on the pictures thingy, (well I must say you’re very pretty 😘). I read comments a lot and I just read Ravi’s comment. I think he’s fake and stupid! I mean I think he hasn’t actually read the post (sorry to say that) so he doesn’t knows what is conveyed in it. I think he has blindly commented. Stupid fellow! Huh!😒
        Anyways, I know it isn’t easy to talk and express about this, but I’m very happy to know that you’ve taken a step forward! Thank you for taking the initiative. You’ve worked really hard for this post and it is very successful in inspiring many readers out here.😊
        I think you’re really strong and bold and that’s why God gave you all these hardships knowing that you’ll overpower them easily. 😊 And no, you didn’t make me sad. I love talking to you, as I always say otherwise I wouldn’t have taken the ‘effort’ to write, right?
        Love and respect! I’m glad to hear that I made your day, which in fact made my day! So thank you for that!❤❤

      • Oh thank you dear for the lovely compliment ❤ Of course I always wait such brilliant people like you to read my thoughts and to hear their opinion about it! And thank you for the honesty! Amen to that hahahha you read my mind, anyway I removed many bloggers and many are yet to come!
        Communicating with you is always great indeed! I just didn’t want you to have this bitter feeling but I know that you love talking to me and I appreciate that a lot as well as your efforts and time! And it’s mutual of course 😊 Oh yes your words made my day, removed my doubts that are: should I have published this? Now I have no doubt that I did a good job
        Have a great evening ❤ talk soon

      • My pleasure always! Actually I think I should say, you absolutely deserve it!❤
        I love presenting my thoughts provided the other person is willing to listen. 😉
        Hahaha. And then Nova’s comment too was hilarious 😂. Yes, many many more to come!! 😊
        I didn’t get the bitter feeling part, so no comments on that for now.🤔
        And ofcourse you did the perfect job by publishing this! Much much appreciated!
        Great evening! Keep well and keep smiling! 😊❤

      • 😊😊❤️❤️ exactly my wish and aim from representing my thoughts: people who really listen 👍
        I didn’t get what Nova wants and then suddenly I did 😂 no comment tbh

        I meant the bitter feeling you had when you read the post, even if you loved it but still 😊
        Thank you again and again for this priceless communication and will stay in touch ❤️😊 wish you a good night I guess by now 😊

      • Hahaha😂😂
        Oh okay, now I get it! Yeah it was a mix of emotions! But with a beautiful lesson which I hope to apply to the rest of my life.
        Yes, will surely keep in touch.❤😊
        Its 10 PM but the dinner isn’t prepared yet!😂 we have it late, that’s why.

      • The service is not acceptable! 10pm and no dinner yet 😠 😂😂😂 bon appétit in advance and enjoy the rest of the night ❤️❤️😊

  4. That is quite the journey Huguette! I am certainly glad to have met you on these pages, my little problem seems rather insignificant in comparison, thanks for sharing your journey!🙂

  5. What a fantastic story. The metaphor with the eagle is brilliant. I believe everything comes to us when we need it, even if we are willing to accept it or not. This post came to me at a moment when I was feeling things from my past that I need to let go of. Lessons I wasn’t willing to accept. Your acceptance of your past is gracious and full of hope. Like I said, I am in awe of you. Thank you for your sharing your story. ❤❤❤

    • You have no idea how happy I feel when my words were helpful to someone as I wanted them to be! It’s not easy to mention such things; I’m not ashamed at all! But it’s just not easy, I even kept the sense of humor that I have 🙂
      But as I said to other fellow blogger I thought that many out there need these words, need to know that it’s all about them no matter how dark it can get! So your words made my day! Appreciate your time to really read and to interact and appreciate ❤ I truly do and wish you the best of luck with your past things 🙂

      • I love that you’ve kept your sense of humor! I sensed that throughout both posts. But also you have a grace about you. You not only were able to rise above the past, but also you’ve been able to find joy in this life. Even as a child, you still played and found joy in your hardest moments! As an adult, you aren’t bitter from all that you’ve been through. Simply amazing, Huguette. This was a phenomenal way to begin my day (I started out feeling quite sorry for myself.) So thank you. Your words are hopeful and inspirational. Only a story as unique as yours could be told in such a lovely way. ❤❤❤

      • It certainly what I aimed from publishing this dear Elizabeth! I hope you’ll have a great day and life as well and appreciate each and every word! I’m smiling while reading such heartwarming and honest words 😀 ❤ ❤

  6. I remember the news—“fighting in Beirut…” I was just a child. It seemed the news was always filled with fighting. Somewhere somebody was fighting. So much hatred. I used to pray before bed…I was just a child.
    Reading your story fills me with so much gratitude and shame. And hope. Here I am in my 40’s having to make that decision—I never knew this about eagles. Beautiful. I need to let your words sink in…
    ❤️

    • Thank you for taking time to read and for the nice words! Thank you for your prayers as well, I’m sure they were answered ❤️
      Glad my words spoke to you, it’s the only thing I wanted from publishing this post
      Have a great day ❤️

  7. My god, that’s an incredible journey you’ve been on, I admire you Huguetta, you’re an amazing woman. It’s a good job they heard your voice when you were shouting but what a bitch that nun was!!! The rice weevils sound delicious 🤢🤢🤢 . It’s a testament to the strength you have inside of you that you became the woman you are now. You’re a very tough cookie Huguetta with a beautiful heart and I’m honoured to know you. Ps. I think I won the smiley face war 😊❣️

  8. Oh my! After reading both parts I’m even more grateful that I know you 💕. I don’t think there are many people in the world that after all you’ve went through, are positive, confident and good and helpful with the others, and not blaming and hating them. All these seems like a sad movie, instead is not a movie, it was and it still is part of your life. You are the proof of my belief that we are stronger than we think we are, and we can do everything if we believe in ourselves and never give up! You are an amazing person Huguette! I respect you for the person you are! An honest, confident, good, proud and beautiful human being! 🤗 You are an inspiration! Thank you! 😊🤗

    • Hello Ribana and thank you for reading and for this heartwarming interaction! ❤ Well it was a very sad movie but what can I say I always loved happy endings hahah 😀 appreciate your amazing words and the compliment as well, I’m humbled! Yes we are stronger than we think we are, and yes we can do everything we want to do and we have to believe in ourselves, we have no other choice! I really appreciate each and every word, I feel happy and I smile when a complete stranger say these words to me, words I probably never heard from the closest people ❤

      • You have the unique experiences and the writing ability; all you need are time and inclination. Maybe let the thought simmer for a while and consider the pros and cons at a later date.

  9. Good afternoon, finally, we meet again, i never understood why is so many injustice in life, but in my opinion is not faire, that parents must use the las dollar for education of their children. Loved the joker, i didn’t knew you are so funny, hehe. Religion shouldn’t be a business, but even Vatican making a cash from visitors, i still remember when i visited it, it cost 25euros and there is millions of people everyday, does Jesus need money? I will keep my Jesus in my heart in this case.. I’m happy, that you met some good people in life, well its life, bad ones comes in our life anyway, i enjoyed the story, but the most i will be honest, i enjoyed your pictures at the end, you are more cool, that i thought, i thought you already were, but that much HUGS from France❤️🤗

    • Good afternoon Ilona, hope you’re doing well and not so busy 🙂
      Appreciate your time to read and give your valuable interaction! Thank you for your opinion regarding the education and religions, you are totally right! And my opinion is harsher as well, I might write about it an entire post
      Thank you for the compliment and the nice words, I have a very good sense of humor, in most of my posts, and yes it happens I’m cool and a bit crazy as well 🙂 Posting the pictures was a part of the post and the message of the eagle rebirth I wanted to deliver, not a big fan of sharing pictures even though I love myself
      Appreciate your heartwarming words and hugs were well received, sending you a big hug as well ❤ Have a great afternoon and take care of yourself ❤

  10. Just read both the posts… I know it’s a bit little late but with your posts I usually make sure that sit down with lots of time in hand because there’s always so much to learn and reflect upon.😅
    First thing first, by the end I finished reading 2nd post, I felt so happy and proud of you that if you were there in front of me, I swear I would have hugged you 😘
    I’ll be honest, since the day I met you I have admired you. And after reading this post, my respect for you has increased. Even after been through so much pain and hardship, you still chose love, kindness and empathy over hate, resentment and judgment. It’s incredible! It’s not an easy thing to do. It takes lot of courage and strength which you surely have❤
    You’re the bravest person I know. And I’m not brave at all. So when you find someone with qualities you wish to have in yourselves, I think you should just follow their energy and derive some inspiration and energy from them. And that’s what I’m doing 😁
    You’re a beautiful soul Huguette ❤ I’m lucky that I got chance to know you. And trust me, I truly mean each and every word I said.😊
    Love you, Always 💕

    P.S. I still want to give you a tight hug😘

    • Oh my dear Swastik ! I guess I received love in this comment more than I did my entire life! 😌😌This really made me emotional and happy! From someone that doesn’t know me in person and think I’m the bravest person they know! I guess I reached the moon dear ❤ 🥰🥰This is extremely beautiful and I could feel your honesty so you don’t need to tell me that you mean every word!
      I’m continuously a work in progress project and imagine my happiness when my posts reached the purpose I wanted to, which is to inspire, to motivate, to probably change someone day, perspective or even life! Such words made me grateful I hit the publish button …😊😊 oh you got to find a way to give me that hug! Hahah I can assure you that only few have! I have the Hitler reputation when it comes to expressing feelings, I had to cope with some reality but I kept my softness for few!💕
      I’m lucky to know you as well, such an honest person fighting to always be better and inspire, not afraid to give credits to others and show admiration and love ❤ much respect to you as well! 😊🥰
      I hope you’re having a great night, sweet dreams and I wish you a great life as great as your beautiful heart and transparency ❤ ❤❤

      • Good Morning Huguette! 🌻
        Waking up to this beautiful message from you made my day and now I’m sure that my rest of the day will be pretty awesome as well ! Thank you so much for your warm wishes and kind words❤ I’m delighted 😊
        Though I don’t know you in person, I feel I know you more and on much deeper level than most of the people I know in person😅 I can imagine how ecstatic you must be feeling on realising that your post served the purpose. I think we both write to help, motivate and uplift people (which I believe is purpose of my life😁) . It is the most empowering thing I have read so far. And I’m so grateful you clicked the publish button 😊 I’m sure it will help, empower and motivate many people. Because it surely gave me hope, motivation and strength! I hope someday I become atleast half as brave and as strong as you are😊 (Btw, Is there any feature on wordpress where you can add posts to your favourites list ?😁 I want to keep it for future as well. If there is, please let me know. Otherwise I guess I have to save the link to it 😅)
        About that Hug… Sometimes I wish I’ve teleportation as my superpower, usually because I love travel travelling and with that it will be supereasy to travel the world. But last night I wished either one of us had teleportation superpower so that I could give you that hug. Hahaha 😂
        Have a Happy Day!😃
        Much love to you💕

      • Good morning to you 😊 So kind of you really to say that and hope your days will always be awesome and pretty, I just stated the truth ❤

        I can relate to this feeling of knowing virtual people more than people we meet every day, I believe the mental connection is powerful and doesn’t need physical presence, as many people are present with their bodies but we’re unable to connect with their heart and souls…they are as empty the as graves!
        Believe me you are stronger than you know and you’ll become not half but way much stronger than I am, you don’t need to face the same, you can be stronger and braver on your own unique way!
        Imagine how I feel that someone is considering me an example! The chair is moving under me hahaa
        Well Swastik as far as I know you can just save a post to read it later, but favorites well this is the part where you just visit as often as you can hahaa 😂 😂 appreciate the sweetness and the admiration! I usually type my articles in a word file to keep them, but when I post, I change sometimes and I add photos, so it’s a bit different but still I keep them in a file.
        Teleportation mmmmmm I’m doing some google search now to see how I’ll be able to do it hhaaha oh thank you really for this kindness and laughs 😂😂 I might take a plane to make it even easier😊😊
        I wish you a great day as well, and a happy weekend as well
        Much love to you ❤ ❤

      • Even I believe that heart to heart connection is very powerful and doesn’t need physical connection. All that matters our heart and soul connect.❤
        Thank you for believing in me. If you think that I’m brave and strong in my own unique ways, I believe you completely 😃 I just imagined you on that moving chair, I hope you didn’t fell out of happiness 😂
        I didn’t know about save for later feature either 😐 I guess, I need to Google that😅

        Also, I don’t think google can help us right now with teleportation 😂😂 But it can surely help us with booking plane tickets…hahaha😂
        Have a wonderful weekend! ❤

      • Hello and hope you are good today 😊
        Oh yes heart and soul connection is major at least for some 😊
        Well, you will be surprised how much strong you can be so believe it even without my words 😊😊
        Hahaha yes it was an earthquake 😂😂
        You just click the option available beside the comment button so it saves the post, no need to google it 😊
        Google failed actually with teleportation, I felt crazy hahaa so plane ticket is more feasible 😁
        Hope you’re having a great weekend ahead and everything is well at your end ❤️❤️

  11. Wow! Just Wow! What a story. And all the more heartbraking and inspiring because it is your life!
    I saved this to read pt1 and 2 together. I read it. Then read it again.
    You truly are an inspiration Huguette. A real one. A person worth looking up to. It is a wonder, and testament to yourself, that you even survived. Never mind blossoming into the proud eagle you are. What you have endured would have broken many a person. But it hasn’t broken you. It’s made you a fierce, independent woman.
    ‘Girl power’ was a sort of movement kicked off by the Spice Girls pop group. Young girls don’t need that for inspiration. They need people like you. Matter of fact, not just young girls, everybody should be inspired by your courage and strength.
    This has been by far the most moving and powerful thing I have read, not just on WordPress, but anywhere!
    Thank you so much for sharing and finishing with such an uplifting message.
    It will surely provide hope for anyone who reads.
    I feel honoured to know someone like you Huguette. Thank you.
    More love to you 😊
    P.s. Don’t get me started on nuns. They’re as infamous as priests here. And not in a good way 😡

    • And I thought you missed this one Chris 🙂
      Good morning firstly and I must say Wow for all these heartwarming words! I’m really humbled!
      Reading what you wrote and others wrote made me really overwhelmed, I just wrote a very small part of my life and I hear such great words…Appreciate it a lot! Appreciate your high appraisal and support.
      First I started to write and I wanted people to be inspired that didn’t have an easy life and despite I’m successful person and I’m independent, then the Eagle story came to my mind and I thought that I love this story, it’s so much how I feel…and so it was, I decided to make 2 posts and so glad my message was delivered! And hearing words like “this is the most moving and powerful thing I have read, not just on WordPress, but anywhere!” made me really dazzled! I mean really! I know there are plenty of stories, people that faced even much more than that…and I really feel proud and happy 😊
      Oh Chris, when you want to start about nuns and priests, please tell me so I can participate! I have a small post I might publish it, in fact it was more intended to be a Facebook status but I’, not active anymore and I thought it can be better a good post, so I might post it soon
      The honor is all mine Chris, I also appreciate your journey, your struggle to be better and provide your son a better life, your posts are always inspiring and motivating, so real and so credible.
      I was telling some fellow blogger that I received love from a comment more than I did my entire life! And I wasn’t joking. So thank you as well for all the love and much love to you as well 😊

      • Good morning to you too Huguette 😊
        It took me a while to get reading it because after reading your warning that it was long, and considering how much time I spend reading your usual posts, I figured I would need a lot of time for this one. Time where no one would be calling for me. So as soon as my boy was asleep last night I got up and started reading.
        Really glad there were no distractions. It really was a powerful piece. Couldn’t stop thinking about it after. Impressive and inspiring.
        You will always have a supporter in me. Even moreso now 😊 It really makes me happy to know someone like you ☺
        In regards to the love you received. That makes me both happy and sad. All I can believe is that yet there is still a lot to come your way. What you are receiving here is just the beginning 😊
        I’m glad you are proud and happy. You should be. You deserve to be. Anyone that knows you should be doing their best to add to that happiness!
        The nuns! Don’t start me. Evil personified grrrrrr
        I hope you have a great day today Huguette. Much love today and always 😊

      • Sure I understand! I knew you were busy so I thought you certainly missed it , not blaming hahaa
        You know that we create a community here and you get used to know that these people really read your content, and when they don’t, you wonder if all is good.
        There was a blogger that supported me when I had like 10 followers, she said she’s busy and she’ll be back mid-March, well I felt bad that such people disappear, of course she didn’t come back yet and kept reading her posts (some short musings) and commenting then she stopped answering. I mean no one is ever too busy to answer the how are you doing, I’m a busy person as well, many think I have nothing to do probably haha anyway to stop nagging I appreciate your time Chris and no need to explain to me! And your support is highly appreciated! 😊😊
        Nuns nuns nuns hahah it’s mean I know! you must be pissed so we can have some good post hahaah I hate each hypocrite person acting different than they’re claiming…this is my only problem!
        Well Chris thank you for your kindness and yes I didn’t receive lot of love, at least when I needed it the most but I got over it and I don’t blame anyone, I’m good, probably I’m cold, I don’t show my feelings…well nobody’s perfect, I have my way to show the people that I care, not much a talker but a person of actions.
        Thank you for today’s love 😊 Much love to you as well 😊

      • Ha ha I know you weren’t ‘blaming’. I know what you mean. Actually it’s because of you I now make the time to comment and reply to people. I might be late doing it but I will. It is important after all. I used to think it was no big deal but one time I left a comment on someone’s post pointing out a hole in their argument. (It was about respect. The post was titled something like let’s get one thing clear. They posted the dictionary definition of respect. Said they had a heated debate with someone over it. And then proceeded to say how they were right and the other person was wrong.) Well I like to get my facts right before I disagree with someone. I googled respect. Found there were two definitions of the word. The one he used in his argument and the one the person he had been debating with used. I said that. He ignored me, didn’t reply, but replyed to everyone who commented before and after me. The ones who just blindly agreed with him. I felt myself getting annoyed. If you’re putting stuff out there for people to read, and someone does, then comments. A bit of respect returning that comment doesn’t take much. Anyways mini rant over 😂
        I’m with you on hypocrites. That’s why I have an issue with the real outward Christians. The ones always preaching. But not really practicing. Like the ones Ghandi was talking about. Where I live is full of them. I know more real Christian people who don’t even believe in God. But have good morals and behaviour. Full on believers make me wary.
        In regards to your feelings. I can relate. I have no problem writing about things now. But my ‘wife’ always complained that I never talked about such things. That is something I’m trying to change. Maybe you should too. You are obviously a warm, caring and considerate person. Don’t shut yourself off. I know I can’t really talk on this issue. I’m all good for giving love out to people in general. But when it comes to one person I’m a closed door, inside a cage, buried under the ground.
        We all have the things we need to overcome. Nobody is perfect. If they said otherwise I’d call them a lier!
        Last thing. I’m thankful for the love you send and for being a part of your community. Rest assured I will never ignore any of your comments. I enjoy our interactions too much 😊
        Hope you’re having a great day and much love to you 😊
        Think this has been my longest mobile message ever hahaha

      • Congratulation Chris, you are now doomed with the long comments curse hahahah😂😂
        Yes when we face something like the example you gave on the neglected comment, we understand more what others mean and rant about like the angry posts I wrote and many might though I’m exaggerating…
        I mean some days I don’t feel like commenting or else, but I believe in mutual respect and I love the community here so we should make some effort not just receive without giving, especially me I so hate being double standard person! Mint rant as well hahah😂😂
        Well feelings and love are a critical subject, I just don’t like to be an hypocrite, and some things can’t be said that’s it…there are the love of family, the romantic love…the friends love, the charity love…some are easier than others but I rather not to say than say half-truths…we are whom we are and each person loves in a different way, just some people are not compatible together, no right or wrong, some need beautiful words, some go for respect and good treatment…etc…if you can’t accept a person as they are, you better find another one that suits you, but don’t spend your life time trying to change them!
        I shut myself off long time ago, it was better, too much pain to carry…I had to find a solution…not the ideal one but it served! Better than being an hypocrite with double standards..
        I never thought you’ll ignore my comments Chris, so kind of you to say that anyway 😊
        Fridays are usually calm, so just preparing for the weekend, hope you’ll have a great one!
        Much love to you 😊

      • 😂😂 I could have written another post my now. Not a bad curse all the same haha
        It must be a mini rant day 😂😂
        Oh you’re so right about love. It’s about finding the person that suits us. Although I don’t really care if I meet someone anymore. While it would be nice. It’s not a priority. There’s plenty other love in my life to keep me happy. My son’s being the most important of all 😊
        It doesn’t matter what solution you found. It matters that you did find one. One that’s helped you live. I know I’m grateful for that.
        Glad you’re having a calm day and I hope you have a great weekend too.
        Sending that love right back to you ☺

      • Gather all these comments like I did and make posts of them! Hahah
        For real!
        You don’t care but who knows! Some things arrive when we stop chasing them! Of course all good parents will say the same: kids are priorities and I can understand, witnessing this on daily basis and it’s a good purpose in life actually for many.
        Have a great weekend; focus on a new post and no ranting anymore
        😂😂

      • Ha ha not going to steal your great idea.
        Well that’s true about things arriving. Sure we’ll wait and see. Good thing I’m not one of those people that needs someone to ‘complete’ them.
        Have been working on a new post. Should be finished by later 🙂
        No more ranting…Just when i was getting on a roll 😂😂
        Much love Huguette. Talk soon 😊

      • Thanks for the ethics 😊 but your words will be totally different so I don’t mind at all 🙂
        Not complete but accompany and support I guess…this will be some long discussion…will stop here 🙂

        Looking forward to reading your new post
        A bientôt 😊
        Much love to you 😊

      • Ha ha. That is the shortest long discussion I’ve had. I get it. If you start it will continue for quite a bit. So best not start. Fair enough 🙂
        Much love and take care 😊

      • Hi Huguette. Hope you are keeping well today and the sun is shining.
        I also hope you don’t mind that I have linked you in my latest blog which I am about to publish.
        Much love as always my friend 😊

      • Hello Chris, doing great thank you and it’s a beautiful sunny day indeed 😊 Oh no not at all! I approved the linking, I’m reading your yesterday post, will get back to you shortly
        Much love to you 😊😊

      • Great to hear it Huguette! 😊 Lovely and sunny here too. Gotta get out to enjoy it.
        Looking forward to your view.
        Much love to you too 😊😊

  12. That’s such a moving story of your life Huguette 🤗… I’m so sorry that you had to go through so much in life… And I salute your strength🙋 you are such an inspiration…
    Je pense vous devez écrire un livre sur vos expériences and publish… 🤗🤗

  13. deeply inspiring, and quite a number of lessons to learn; but honestly, I didn’t know that nuns could behave in the negative ways stated. at one end, your experiences will definitely strengthen you and put you on a better standing against many related tides of today’s world that could have a lot in common with some of the elements in most or all of your experiences .

    • Thank you Ihagh for reading and for the interaction as well
      Let me say that I didn’t mention everything, not everything can be said
      and I mentioned there are good and bad nuns as there are good and bad people…
      I believe that some « Christians » might find this offensive but this is their problem tbh if the truth offends them
      Yes sure everything we go through makes us stronger and this why I divided the post into 2 parts and I appreciate your valuable interaction 👍🙂

  14. I’ll go ahead and pretend I never read the last paragraph under your pictures because I was about to say something similar to the first 19 words. 😭

    I love how you just go out and say what you have in mind. This words: “they remind me of the democracy and independence some nations are claiming to have or claiming to spread in the world while stepping over cadavers of millions of people!” just hit home. Yes, a lot of hypocrites in the world.

    I want to say a lot more too but I’m overwhelmed by your post. I’m so happy for you. You and I have somehow similarities, but sorry I won’t say them here. It took me fifteen years before I could say that I was over my past with my husband’s, but you did it by yourself. What I want to say is, you have every right to be proud of yourself. You went through the hardships by yourself and made it. I’m sure a lot of people who took the time and read your story was touched and inspired.

    • Hahahah go ahead and don’t worry! This is the message I wanted to transmit from writing all this…I heard you Jess don’t worry at all ❤
      Now this paragraph for an example about democracy, I know few read it but I put it there probably more than I wanted to put other thoughts! And you really got it ❤ I love that!😊😊
      I really appreciate your words and empathy, after I was shocked yesterday by someone belittling what I went through…not shocked actually, nothing shock me at all but sad…People are so weird or maybe jealous or sick, I’m not a psychologist but it really made me so angry that someone would belittle others pain while they rant the entire time about people not treating them well!
      I understand you can’t say many things, well dear if you think I told everything here, you’re wrong, some things I’m not even comfortable to say it to myself! I don’t like drama, I kept the sense of humor and positiveness as I love to do and live because it’s the only way!
      My very best to you and your family and wish you a great weekend ❤

      • There are some people who thinks that it’s their right to get treated with respect without giving it first or that their pain is always greater than everyone else.
        If we’re in the same age, I’m sure you have a lot more to tell that this blog post can contain. But I’m more than happy to join in whatever you share, because even if I’m over my past, your stories (the words you use) still fills some gaps 🙂
        I don’t want to say my experience here because I want to one day share it in blog (when I’m ready haha :D) Like you I’m doing my best live positively and remembering the past (or dwelling on it) can be very depressing.
        It’s the first warm and sunny day here, so I’m off to the beach with my son. And I just want to share that he have a name almost everyone knows but very few have. Orion (the constilation 😊)
        I hope you have a great weekend too 😘

      • Oh my! This is a beautiful name! Hope he will reach the stars then and have a great life 😊 I’m sure he’s so lucky you’re his mom 🥰
        Enjoy the beach ❤ some people today went to the beach, it’s too early I guess and I’m more a mountain lover 😊
        Thank you for your words and respect, we can’t control other people thoughts, we can choose to keep them out our life and head!
        Of course your experience needs to be on your blog and not here, whatever you feel comfortable with and at the right time 👍👍 and so glad my posts and words speak to you even if they are a bit hard
        Thank you Jess for the exchange and enjoy the warm day 😊💖

  15. WOWWWWW. You were already financially independent at the age of 16?! That is amazing. I only got a good and stable paying job only this year at the age of 26. Only now did i realise how hard it is to earn and make money. 😦 It is so easy to spend money but it is so hard to earn money…. Sad Realities of life.

    I really loved how you ended this post with these lines.
    “Remember, it’s not the end until you decide it is!
    Remember, no matter how tough it can get, it’s all inside you and it’s all in your hands and only in your hands!”

    The end is really determined by YOU and no one else. No one can make the decision but you. I know it sounds so simple but not everyone applies this in their day to day life. People often blame their failure on other people but reallyyyyy…. it iss on them for choosing to give up in the first place.

    Great post! I really did miss your thought provoking post. 🙂

    • Oh I miss your comments Eva!! So good to have you back ❤
      Yes I was earning money and handling my university fees, and I started work after I finished my university even if I couldn’t be a lawyer but I managed to be independent and it’s equally important to me 🙂
      Glad you loved the end, it’s what I wanted from writing these 2 posts, it wasn’t easy to write all this, I wanted to inspire and help and many were inspired so I’m so glad!
      Will always be thought provoking, I can’t help it hahaa

      • Earning one’s independence is amazing. That’s something I have yet to achieve. Studying Medicine doesnt provide you with much time and finances in order to be independent. So im very thankful to my parents for providing a roof over my head…

        Thought provoking is always good!!!

        Is it okay to ask.. are you still studying law up to now?

      • I’m so bad at asking..
        nope I got the degree long time ago, need to be registered with some lawyer office and do kind of training (stage) then become a registered lawyer after 4 years or so…
        You will achieve it for sure, and it’s great to have parents support, it’s amazing, God bless them and best of luck to you as well

  16. Ahhhh its definitely a process. A long process. Good luck to all your endevours as well. Wishing you all the best and hope you achieve all your dreams:)

  17. What an inspiring journey my dear, how inspiring! sometimes I think that I am the only one to find obstacles on my way … but when I read testimonies like these ,it gives me courage and I know that I am not alone… it is our experience and our struggles that make us what we are today despite backgrounds , race or religion,I salute the strong women you became and the honest brave person you are , much love to you

    • Thank you for reading dear Souad! I really appreciate your time and your words
      As you said our struggles and experience make us what we are today and I wanted this post to be inspiring and help people even if with just the mere thought that someone had probably tougher circumstances than them and could overcome them…
      Glad I delivered the message and I’m humbled by your kindness and appreciation and love!
      Much love to you as well I’m sure you’re as honest and brave and strong as I am ❤❤

  18. Hey Huguette! Well you do know how i got to read two parts of a motivational real life story. If i were a goal cast admin , i woudlve made this a video in short. I took my time to read, and it is worth reading. The eagle story is a perfect example, that could relate to your childhood journey. I am so proud to have you found in Blogging world. I did inspired you before, Now it’s different than before. I inspire you. Your life had taught me and gave me an unexplainable motivational boost. Im searching for words ?🤔. The power of my imagination did took me to your hardtimes from everything to nothing those anxious days and the memories with burmanna monestry and the sisters and WHO YOU ARE NOW! That is touching, sad, MOTIVATIONAL✨. I can say so many things kind of mixed feel. 🤗✨

    • Hello Simon 😊 I really feel so humbled by your kind and uplifting words 🙏🏻 Thank you for taking the time to read these 2 posts which I just mentioned them randomly! It means a lot that you clicked them and read them 😊
      Your words are more than enough and I’m really grateful for such great blogger and reader as yourself 🙏🏻🙏🏻
      I wanted the post to be inspiring and help someone out there, I’m happy I have reached this goal in someway 😊
      Have a great time 😊

  19. Reblogged this on Pen On Website and commented:

    Hello Everyone,

    This is a story of a real life survivor.

    I get to know her in blogging and i initially inspired with her blogging activity and behaviour. After this post it changed my thoughts, She is a living inspiration.

    This is part 2 of a real life story that has to be shared across the world.

  20. Oh my goodness, I just finished reading those 2 parts. How your life suddenly changed in matter of secs, how you were surrounded by all this hate, ugliness, ignorance. First, I was sad when reading about your life experience as no kid deserve to go all through these hurdles, but you managed to put a smile on my face because you didn’t let all this put you down, no on the contrary all the struggles, difficulties, injustice made you a very courageous, noble and stronger person; you even take the bad things that happened to you with a sense of humor.
    Seriously you not only survived a war and all its ugliness bas kamana 3eshti bi internal school w ma3 rahbet?!! That’s a real nightmare:D I also went to Christian school bas no rahbet:D my parents don’t like schools with rahbet, mom especially, mom kent t2lna ma hatykon bi madrasset fiya rahbet la2ano zalmin w asyin, mom ma btehmal hada y3at 3layna:D I cannot stand rejel el deyn, wl khabriyet wl school yalli inti kenti fiya should be burned to the ground, that’s not school that’s a fucking prison with a real torture (whether mentally or physically).
    I admire you dear ❤ . I cannot believe that there are still pure souls like you in our shithole country.

    • Thank you Nadine for taking time to read these posts and for all these lovely words you said 😊 so kind of you really! I just wanted people out there to read and maybe be inspired and never give up and never take what they have for granted also
      For me it’s easy, if I hate something, I should work hard to eliminate it from myself first before criticizing others… and it wasn’t easy as I said, I spent many years under the burden of all these things until I decided to just let go
      Yes I usually laugh on some sad events because it’s better than crying and feeling sorry for myself
      Mnih emmik ma bet7eb el rahbet ma3 enna metdayni, ana ma bheb kel shi bi2oul ana bmathel el masi7 w allah w etc… hawdi lezim ykun elun special corner in hell! If we assume there’s a hell worser than the one they created here!
      Enjoy your week and I really appreciate each and every word❤️

      • You are truly an inspiration =) going against all odds to become better person even when no one there to supports you. You have achieved inner peace, and found that the essence of life is to push and embrace your struggles rather than to give up. I consider myself blessed that I was too young to remember the war. Rejel dein kelon hypocrites 3ayshin bil ghena w neswan, w thins then they preach their poor followers about sins and what’s wrong and right.
        Btw, have you read the book Kawabis Beirut (Beirut nightmares) by Ghada Samman, though it has mixed review, I found it to be a powerful book about the civil war, better read it in Arabic

      • Thank you my dear 🙂 I always feel humbled by such words ❤ and I didn’t mention anything heheh
        anyway, I will add this book to my read list, you know I struggle with reading now! Even though I really want to, I read bent el khiyata for Joumana Haddad w dapraset for days…I read some stories for bloggers here, but Ghada Samman is interesting and will certainly read it in Arabic , fi eshya ma btezbat ella b el native language
        Maliks ta7t bl centre halla2 bshuf eza 3ndun yeh
        Katabt status men fatra 3a Facebook, ma3 ennu anja2 bfout facebook coz 2reft sara7a men el 3alam w arafoun! bass mn kam shahr ma ba3ref shi ken fi ma btzkkar bass katabt
        عندما يتحدث رجال الدين، احاول جاهدةً أن لا أكره الله

      • Always remember that:If you didn’t share your story, we wouldn’t know of such stories of hope. And on some days, a post of yours, , can be the hope of someone’s day. Oh yes reading takes time, and living such a hectic life wouldn’t give us such leisure. One of the benefits of insomnia that I get to read books more, many books had shapped the way of thinking. I recommended this book to others, but some didn’t like it:D so if you didn’t like it please don’t kill me. Though I prefer Antoine to Maliks, but if I were in your place, I would spend more time browsing books in Maliks than the office. Love that quote from Joumana so true and I share the same opinion with her, pity I only read her articles but never her books (it’s been years since I read a book in Arabic I’m afraid). Chu badek bil facebook hon ahla w ahsan

      • yes this is how I thought and then just shared the story…the problem when I have insomnia I usually dream..
        Oh no, even if I didn’t like it, will certainly learn something, no worries :)Antoine a7la bass kelu b3id., Maliks in same building
        tkheyali terka sheghli w 2e3da 3ndun ta7t hahhaa
        that quote is for me hahah not Joumana katabta as Facebook status men kam shahr. bass you need to read Joumana work, she’s so bold! no filters, nothing…I really admire her, for me she’s perfect w all her books are translated so you can read them in English

      • That’s good to know:D and if you don’t like it, I promise it will be the last time I recommend a book for you 😀 My dream is to rob Antoine and steal all the books. What book do you recommend me to start with for Joumana, ? I I will go with the Arabic language when reading her. I’m kinda now on book ban since I bought too many books and still many on my TBR. I love authors that are blunt and brutally honest, that’s why I love Bukowski

      • hahah recommend ya 3ammmi bass badik ana e2ra!! halla2 badik t2ouli haydi khalsa 3am te7ki 3an Joumana Haddad w ma 2aryetla ahamma kotob! Yes because I’m terrible at reading hal kam sini la wara, abel ken 3ndi wa2t kent ahsan
        ana badi e2ra: Superman is an Arab, and I killed Shahrazad, both on my list w la halla2 ma 2ritun! Holi ahamma shi for her w lezim tbalshi fiyoun, I read “Kafas” and “bent El kheyata”
        rob Antoine? 😂😂 b7es ba3d kam sini ra7 ywaz3u el kotob bibalesh la2an el ness ra7 ysiru aswa2 ba3d!! badik ba3tiki kafas w bent el khiyata, w bshuf shu 3ndi ba3d kotob bihemouki, I have Kindle and I usually but kindle version when I can bass b7eb el kteb, b7eb shaklu w el touch taba3u haha
        ma ba3ref eza 2arya shi la Bukowski, kent 3am e2ra la Dostoevsky The Karamazov Brothers w ma 3am a3ref kaffiya! w mbalsi kamen b A Thousand Splendid Suns w ma 3am a3ref kaffi :/

      • not khalsa I think you can know a lot of person by seeing their viewpoints and opinions and I think that the case between you and Joumana. Howeh ma3ek ha2 bi Antoine, it will be a dream come true, bi2shulkon kel kotob =) Dear. thank you so much ❤ it does show your generosity but I can never take a book from anyone, I believe books are truly a treasure more than money (yeah I’m weird I know) and I think you shouldn’t give them away, keep them even if you didn’t read them=) me too I downloaded a lot of books but I prefer the actual book, in fact i collect some vintage edition (yeah I’m weird). You chose the best work of Dostoevsky imo, but one of his biggest work I hope the edition you choose have footnotes to help you. Russian writers are the best. Oh Thousand splendid suns is a great one, all Khaled Hoseini are great. Don’t stress yourself about reading you can go at slow rate set an easy goal: reading 20-30 pages in a week

      • hehehe lah weird wala shi, you love books, you love reading what’s better? mni7 mesh bet7ebi el botoz mathalan aw gheyr shi hehehe even though kel wa7ad 7orr bass ena sort e2raf ettala3 bel 3alam 3enna sara7a
        Vintage editions of books ma btefru2 3an aya collecting hobby or passion at all! Fi kutub betjannen and treasure as well for the knowledge inside w kamen helu shakla
        Nshallh will do my best to have some time khsusi to read even if msh ktir
        thank you dear for the exchange and enjoy the weekend ❤

  21. I knew it from the start that you have a rich story to tell. You have a very strong personality and a beautiful heart. Not to mention you are also very pretty. Nobody has the right to belittle your struggles and pain. I don’t know who did that to you, I don’t even bother to look for that comment. I am soo proud of you. Of what you’ve become. You are very talented. Whoever will be your longtime partner will be very lucky. What I’ve been through as a child is the usual one. Your childhood is very much complicated, I can’t imagine being a child in your position. You are such an amazing person. Bless your heart. 🙂

    • Thank you AL for reading this! I do appreciate your support and encouragement so much! and thank you for the compliment as well 🙂
      actually here you will just find a silly comment,not what she said that it wasn’t that rough…
      oh well, I choose to focus on beautiful words not silly words and I thank you for all what yo said, I really feel humbled to read such appreciation and respect ❤ God bless you as well, you’re a very beautiful and lovely soul 🙂

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